A Birthday and My Frustrations

My oldest child celebrated his 22nd birthday back in April.

Moving Day...Again

Our internet has been down for a few days (and I didn't have a meltdown!), and now that it's up and running again, I come back to my blog to find... well, I don't know exactly what happened to it. My background is just gone. I guess I'll have to tinker with it after while :)

I guess the main thing that's going on in my life right now is that I've had to go through that whole "son moving out experience" all over again. We've been moving bits and pieces of furniture into his apartment for a few days now. But today was THE day. He's all moved in and settled now. I took him grocery shopping today and showed him how to compare prices, helped him plan his meals. I walked him through the steps of "how to's", how to do laundry, how to wash dishes. These are all common household chores that I have taught each of my children through the years. He just hasn't had to do them over the last few years (since he graduated to the more manly outside chores), so he wasn't sure if he would remember.

So now I'm back at home, and he's at his new home. That just doesn't sound right. I've only cried a little. So far. I get sad and a bit teary-eyed when I walk past his bedroom.  I just don't like this part of child-rearing. Yes, I know that we raise them to leave, but still... I don't like it.

Our Oldest

Another year has been added to the life of my firstborn. I can scarcely believe that he is 19 years old.

Here we are out celebrating his birthday at his favorite restaurant in our small town, Village Pizza

You can tell that he is thrilled about me taking his picture!

I know I say this EVERY time we celebrate another birthday in our family...but really, WHERE does the time go? I guess while they're little it seems as if we'll be in a certain stage of life forever, but it truly does go by faster than we think!

I'm reminded of the words in the song, Don't Blink, by Kenney Chesney. I'm not a big country music fan, but I do like a few songs, like this one, with poignant messages. The chorus goes like this:

     Don't blink

     Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you

     Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife

     Don't blink

     You just might miss your babies growing like mine did

     Turning into moms and dads next thing you know your better half

     Of fifty years is there in bed

     And you're praying God takes you instead

     Trust me friend a hundred years goes by faster than you think

     So don't blink

Lately we've been having some struggles, my oldest and I. I had such a hard time when he moved out for college, and then when he moved back home at Christmas, you'd think I would have been thrilled! I guess the young man that moved back home wasn't exactly the same one who moved out a few months before.

I think it has been a series of power struggles for us...him becoming the independent young man God created him to be, yet me, trying to hold onto his youth and keep him under my wing, so to speak.

Yes, I know there comes a time when I have to really let go...and let God. I thought I had already reached that place, but apparently God is still teaching me how to let go. It hasn't been easy, but I daresay that we have grown in our relationship with each other, as well as with God.

I have two more following closely behind him...

Hopefully, God will help me have this parenting thing all sorted out by the time we reach this point with them. But, most likely, He will not. After all, if I had it all figured out, then I guess I wouldn't need Him. And that would be a sad day, indeed. May I never get to the point where I feel like I don't need God!

I am proud of the godly young man he is becoming, and I am genuinely thankful for the blessing he has been to me. I can see that God has great things in store for him; I can see that God is growing him in wisdom, and in his relationship with Him. I am thankful....

Letting Go...

Letting go... saying goodbye... whatever you want to call it, it is hard. You tell yourself it's time, that he's ready, you're ready...but are you really? I know he is, but am I? My momma heart says no.

I can't write what I am feeling right now because as I sit here pondering it all, I feel that uncomfortable lump in my throat, and the words blur as my eyes fill up with tears for the thousandth time this weekend.

So, until I can adequately express my thoughts here, I will just leave you with some photos of moving day...

father and son, trying to get the wireless connection for their laptops

son and roommate, still working on the wireless connection

all settled in now

Thank You

I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to my friends Teena (whom I see face to face regularly) and to my newest blogging friends, Debbie and Cynthia, for their kinds words and advice on dealing with "letting go." Thank you for sharing your wisdom and please continue to pray for me. I am beginning to see how I am making this harder than it needs to be, and my family is suffering because of it.

I realize that this is a normal stage and God gives us children, not to keep with us forever, but to raise up as arrows and then send them out to do His work. God just has to bring me to the point where I trust in Him as I let the first of my arrows go....I just have to remember to "choose the joy" in this....to let go and let God...

Joy and blessings be yours in abundance.

Preparing Myself...hmmm?

Ok, I've been backtracking and reading on Cynthia's blog over at http://bbentsbees.blogspot.com/, about her oldest dd moving out a couple years ago. I know God is preparing me for this, but it is SO hard. He's not even gone yet, and I'm moping around here. I really need to get a grip, I know!

It's not like he's moving out of the state, or even across the state for that matter. As I've said before, the college God has chosen for him is only about 30 miles away. But still, no matter how far away or how close, he will still be out of our house, away from home. And we won't see him very often, although I can call or text him as much as I like. Look at me, trying to pysche myself up about this!

Ready or not, graduation will be here in the blink of an eye. And even though he'll still be here at home with us while working a summer job before moving on to college, I've a feeling August will be here all too soon for me. I am so NOT looking forward to this new season of life.

Well, like Cynthia mentioned in her post, I too should stop moping around here since I have two more children who need me!