Just My Thoughts...

With all this racial controversy regarding the Zimmerman/Martin trial this is something that has been on my mind and in my heart of late...

John 13:34-35 - "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Cars and Hearts, Who Knew?

We finally found a car for Kate. Because we never buy new cars, we shopped around for quite a while, trying to find something that would meet all our requirements and still fit in our budget.

It had to have a high safety rating, have (fairly) low mileage, have a good mpg rating ('cause she has to drive it 40 miles round trip per day to school), and, of course, it had to fit within the budgeted amount we had to spend.

We found a 2006 KIA Optima.

What's On My Mind, In My Heart...

I shared recently about how I felt as if I'd somehow missed Christmas...

I did miss celebrating Christmas for what it really is. But I think the issue goes deeper. What I really missed is Christ.

The last several months of my life have been marked by this feeling of loss, this feeling of missing Jesus. My daily bible reading has slacked off tremendously and my quiet times with the Lord... well, they have become virtually non-existent. I anger easily, I lose patience with my family, I'm snappy and on edge a great deal of the time. I haven't really enjoyed caring for my family as I once did. I don't laugh much anymore... I feel out of place somehow.

Learning Places

My emotions are raw, and riding high right now... We didn't keep the babies. We chose to allow another, younger, child-less couple to take them into their foster home. It was harder than I thought it would be. Not foster-parenting. But parenting babies -- a 2 year old and a 9 month old. We had them for only 13 days and I was utterly worn out. Exhausted. Completely spent. And I had help!

What made me think I could do this? Starting over with a baby who doesn't sleep through the night. At my age -- I'll be 42 next month. When we completed our training and certification to become adoptive parents, we specified the age range of the children we felt like we could take into our home. And that range did not span the infant-toddler age group. But we received a call from our RD explaining that these babies needed a foster home in our county. She made it clear that she realized we didn't really want to foster-parent, and that these children were not in our preferred age range and we did not have to take them. But knowing how eagerly we've been waiting to adopt, would we be interested in fostering them, with the probability that they would be free for adoption within a few months?

My Word for the New Year

As I have pondered my goals for this new year, it seems that God has been impressing upon my heart this one thing: Love. Love for Him. Love for my family. Love for my neighbor, my fellowman.

He has engulfed me in His love, and I want to love Him back with all my heart, with all my strength, and with all my soul. I want to spend this year reveling in His love for me, reaching out to others with His love. "We love Him because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19

He has been speaking to me about showing His love to others, for I have been slack in this area. I think back to days gone by, when my life really revolved around serving Him, loving Him above all else. Giving of myself, loving others because He commands me to. I asked myself what happened. How could I grow cold over the years? How could I lose my first love?

It makes me sad. To think of me drifting away from my Lord, the One who loves me even when I am so unworthy, so unlovely. To think of me somehow drifting back into the old habits, the old ways, the selfishness that consumed me before He found me, saved me. My heart is breaking thinking about it.

But that is a good thing. A breaking heart means there is still feeling in it. There is still life in it. That it is not so cold, so lifeless, that He cannot revive it. He is drawing me back to Himself. Back to my first love. He is thawing this heart of mine, releasing me from the sin of selfishness that would have me spend my days thinking of me. He is giving me a heart of love. A heart that thinks of others. A heart that thinks of Him. A heart that loves Him.

And in loving Him, he enables me to love others. To love my husband (Titus 2:4), to submit to his leadership
(Ephesians 5:22). To love my children (Titus 2:4), to bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), to train them up to serve Him (Proverbs 22:6). To love my neighbor as myself (Matthew 22:39).

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." 1 John 4:7-10

So, thanks to my bloggy friend, Debbie, who prompted us to ask God for a word (and a bible verse) to focus on for the year. And thank God who answered my plea and gave me a word for this year: love. And the scripture passage I will focus on: 1 Corinthians 13 (the love chapter).

Though I speak with tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become as sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

does not rejoice in iniquity,but rejoices in the truth;

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part.

But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13

Fathers and Daughters

Today is a special day for Mike and Kate. They have gone on a "Father/Daughter" trip! They are on their way, across the state from our home in south Georgia to Auburn, Alabama. Tonight they will spend the night with our niece and her husband, and tomorrow they will attend the Auburn vs Georgia college football game. They are both pretty excited because 1.) we are Auburn football fanatics! and 2.) this is Kate's first time going to a game with just Dad and no brothers! They promised to take lots of pictures for me.

I thought we might have a quiet evening around here with just the boys and me, but my youngest has asked to have a friend over to spend the night. So I can assure you, quietness has eluded this household! Really, that's alright with me because I'm quite used to chaos around here and not sure I'd know what to do with myself otherwise. I am thinking I might go to bed earlier than usual, though and snuggle up with a good book and a cup of decaf coffee.

I can hardly wait for tomorrow night. They should be arriving back home sometime around midnight. I'm happy for them to be able to have this time together, just father and daughter. But I really don't like it when my family is apart. I miss them so much! However, I know it's important and I'm thankful my husband has such a good relationship with each of our children.

And I'm especially thankful that he and our daughter find so many ways to relate to one another. That's one thing that I did not have while growing up, (and I am not sure my momma did either) and a girl needs so much to have a close relationship with her daddy. She needs someone to protect her, someone to guard her heart until it is given into her husband's care. She needs someone to look up to, a hero to model for her the qualities that she needs to seek in a future husband. She needs someone to lead her to Jesus, someone to help keep her focus on Him until He brings to her "the one."

God has chosen to provide that to Kate. And for that, I am grateful.

Bloom Where You're Planted

This is a little lesson that my heavenly Father is currently teaching me. What's that you ask? Haven't I already been through this before? 

Why yes, as a matter of fact I have. But you see, I'm a bit mulish stubborn. Well, maybe more than a bit. It seems that He has to repeat some of life's lessons for me. It's a wonder He doesn't give up on me entirely. Thank goodness I can be sure that He won't! Philippians 1:6 tells me, "being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."

Bloom where you're planted.

This is a struggle for me. Has been for a few years now. This is not where I want to be. At this physical address. I have always yearned for the country life. Oh, I know that may sound silly to some, but this is a desire that has been in my heart for as long as I can remember. To live on a farm, in a big, old farmhouse, with lots of children and animals, surrounded by trees and ponds and land, as far as the eye can see. Ok, so now I'm just being greedy.

Lots of land, with no up-close neighbors (not that I don't get along with my neighbors, for I do). It's just that I'm not much of a people person. I kinda keep to myself for the most part. I have a couple of close friends, and that's the way I like it. I could be content with not leaving my little domain for days at a time.

But that's not what He wants for me. Hence, the "bloom where you're planted" issue.

We were not created to be "hermits," to keep within our little domains, content not to see anybody other than family for days or weeks at a time. We were created to get out and share Jesus with those who don't know Him. To share His hope with a lost and dying world.

And that goes against the grain for me. It is hard for those who, like me, prefer to live a solitary life way out in the country, far from the city and the people within its gates (nothing against people in general, it's just me). But my, how He is stretching me, growing me, changing me! I won't lie to you; the stretching, growing and changing... it hurts. But I know that it is necessary if I am going to live out His purpose for my life. What is my purpose? The same as your purpose. Oh I know that He brings to fulfillment our purposes in different ways, but the purpose is still the same. To make His glory known among the nations. As David Platt states it, "to make much of God." 

And how can I make much of God if I don't want to go into the world? If I'm content to sequester myself away from people? I suppose I can't. Hence, my physical address being located just outside the city limits, rather than miles and miles out in the country. Hence, God leading us to enroll our daughter in school (a Christian school, yet school nonetheless), so that I interact with people on an almost daily basis. I don't want to chase rabbits here, but I do feel as if I need to clarify that point. I'm not saying that if you don't live within the city, then you can't reach people for Jesus. I'm just saying that I probably would not. Ok, enough of that, I am digressing!

So, yes, I struggle daily in this flesh-suit I wear. But I can be confident that He is changing me, molding me into His image, making me more Christ-like each passing day. That He is showing me which habits to put off, and which virtues to put on. That He is using ordinary people to make much of Himself, to make His glory known among the nations. And I want to be one of those people, no matter how arduous the journey.

  

My Struggle

Well, one of my struggles. The one I am dealing with right now.

Ok, I am going to be brutally honest here.

I have been struggling with some feelings of discontentment lately. I have been looking at other people's (some friends, some acquaintances, and some people I don't even know) "stuff" or "things" or whatever you want to call it, and that monster called envy has reared its ugly head in my life. Again.

Geesh, I really thought I was past this. So obviously I'm so disappointed. In myself. With these bad habits.

Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness.    Psalm119:36

I have even started complaining to my dear hubby. Yes I'm ashamed.

He works hard to provide for our family. And he is very supportive of me being a stay at home, home schooling mom. And I have actually had the nerve to complain about not having certain things. Yes... I am ashamed.

I am amazed at how fickle is this heart of mine. Just a few months ago I felt convicted to simplify. I've been cleaning out closets, going through cabinets, and clearing out toys and clothes and extra dishes, etc and taking them to the mission store. We have far too much stuff in our house. I know that.

And yet out of my mouth comes the words I didn't expect to hear. "We need a bigger house!"

What? I've gone from realizing that we have TOO MUCH, to thinking I need more space to put all this STUFF!

I guess I have not been guarding my heart as zealously as I should. Somehow, the worldliness has crept in...

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.    1 John 2:15

I know these thoughts are wrong, that they are lies from Satan. I try to combat them with the living, powerful Word of God.

Let your conduct be without covetousness, and be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.    Hebrews 13:5

Yes, I am really surprised that I am struggling with this. I really thought I had grown more in my relationship with the Lord...that I had come to realize that things are just that...things...possessions...straw...wood.

He who loves silver will not be satisfied with silver; nor he who loves abundance, with increase. This also is vanity. When goods increase, they increase who eat them; so what profit have the owners except to see them with their eyes?   Ecclesiastes 5:10

And He said to them, Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.    Luke 12:15

I thought God had inclined my heart to heavenly treasures, but somehow, somewhere along the way, I have allowed it to be turned back to worldly things. Things that will burn someday.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.    Matthew 6:19-21

So you see, I know that having a bigger house or more possessions or more money will not lead to contentment, but in fact will breed even more discontentment. I know this. I just don't understand why I'm struggling with it...

But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth.   James 3:14

So there. I've admitted the ugly truth. There is bitter envy in my heart. Ugly, unwanted envy. My prayer is that my loving heavenly Father will pull these bitter weeds of envy out of my heart, and that He will plant in their place the seeds of contentment.

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content.  Phillipians 4:11

But godliness with contentment is great gain.  1 Timothy 6:6

Scuba Dives and Vacation

My boys are almost finished with their scuba dive training. Actually, my oldest is finished. The youngest will finish up in the next couple of weeks.

Words

"How can a mother be frustrated her child is not as she longs him to be, when she herself is not as she longs to be?" - taken from Ann Voskamp's post, "What Every Family Really Needs to Be Strong"


"When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need—words that will help others become stronger." Ephesians 4:29 (NCV)

Lately, my words to my children have been anything but edifying. Actually they've been downright harmful...to their souls.

Friday

Friday...we usually spend this day wrapping up our school week...probably just like you. Right now dh is on a different work schedule, so he is off on Fridays, and that affects our school schedule. Alot. Today, the only school we accomplished were our morning read-aloud time and about 1/2 a lesson of math for each child. DH had lots of things he wanted to accomplish today like taking the trash to the landfill, lol, (there is no trash pick-up where we live) an optometry visit, and working on Will's (and a little friend's) race car for our upcoming AWANA Grand Prix... and of course the kids would much rather help him than do their school work!

But, I'm not complaining. I am thankful for the time we get to spend together. Maybe I will incorporate what another blogging friend does...Fun Fridays. Maybe I can even get dh in on school. He loves math and science, so maybe I can ask him to do some fun science experiments with the kids on Fridays. He has done some experiments with them in the past and has quite enjoyed doing them! I might have to change the name from Fun Fridays to Freaky Fridays, though.

I don't know that I'd want dh home all day every day, but for this short time I will welcome the change. It was neat that everybody was here during school hours, even my college kiddo. I managed to snap a couple of shots of them doing school work this morning...

my fifth grader working on math and my college freshman working on Biology

my eigth grader working on math (Teaching Textbooks) at the computer

Although we didn't accomplish everything on my agenda for today, we did get to experience what was on God's agenda for our family. I was a little stressed to begin with, and if I can be honest with you... I was a little miffed because my dh was interfering with my plans for the day and interrupting my routine and schedule! Thankfully, the Lord showed me how ridiculous I was to feel that way! And thankfully, He showed me early enough in the day so that I didn't completely ruin the day for everyone. I am usually slow to learn the lessons He teaches me each day, so needless to say I am VERY grateful that He penetrated my stubbornness and softened my heart on this little (or should I say big) "my way" issue. Yes, my God is BIG like that! Why does it so often take me so long to see that?

 

Well...our day turned out to be a good day for all! I would say that we experienced a Fabulous Friday. Hey! That might be the new name for our family Fridays. Of course, I can't say that each one will be as good as today was. But... if I leave it open for God to plan the day, who knows? And isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing every day, anyway?

 

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33