What's On My Mind

I know, it's been kind of quiet here. Not in my house per se, but on the blog front. I've been sick this past week. Imagine that! Didn't I wonder recently if life could somehow possibly slow down a bit around here? God sure has a sense of humor.

I've spent most of my time between doctor visits, and the hospital for tests, and in the recliner nursing a fever and pain. For about two weeks now, I have had a fever off and on, and pain on my left side (front and back), as well as a general pain throughout my whole body. You know, kind of like stiff and aching body parts. I wondered if maybe I am developing arthritis. I wondered if the pain in my side might be appendicitis, but the pain never really was excruciating enough to convince me. I also wondered if it might be kidney stones, but again, the pain level never reached an unbearable zenith.

A trip to the doctor revealed that it was not kidney stones, nor was it appendicitis. I don't think the poor doc really knew what it was, but he finally decided that quite probably I had pulled a muscle in the lower right side of my back. His prescribed treatment: take Advil for the pain and see how it goes from there.

Ok... so I took Advil for several days. The fever came and went, very unpredictable. The pain was ever-present, but never at an unbearable level. I finally decided (mostly my husband decided) that I would seek another doctor's opinion.

This doctor sent me to the hospital for some blood work and CT scans. Funny thing was, I had a fever all day long, but the blood work revealed nothing. No elevated white blood cells to indicate an infection. Nothing to indicate that the stiffness and pain throughout my body could be oncoming arthritis. The CT scans revealed very healthy and otherwise unremarkable organs. The only thing that showed up to cause some concern for the radiologist was a tiny spot on my right ovary. Probably a cyst. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic (I guess because I continued to have a fever...) and told me to make an appointment with my gynecologist to see about the cyst.

This was last Thursday. I couldn't get in to see the gynecologist until Monday. And I couldn't even see my gynecologist at all. Starting Monday, he would be on spring break with his kids! So I spent the weekend in the recliner, extremely nauseous from the medicine. Hubby called the doc to tell him how nauseous I was and could we please try a different antibiotic. Doc says that this is a strong one and he really would prefer I continue to take it. Never mind the fact that I'm the one laid up in the recliner struggling not to throw up. He says that he can call in something for the nausea. Phenergan. So I spent the weekend sleeping in the recliner.

I had my appointment with the other gynecologist on Monday (darn spring break). Let's just say things didn't go too well at this appointment. He didn't even bother to do an ultrasound to look at my cyst. Nothing to worry about, these things have a way of resolving themselves, he tells me. That's fine by me doc, I don't like taking any more medicine than I have to, but trust me, this pain has been here for two weeks and it has definitely not resolved itself yet.

So, nothing for the cyst. If it even is a cyst. He didn't bother to double-check to see if that's what it really is. No, this doctor was far too concerned with the fact that I am a 41-year old woman who's been in menopause for the last three years and am not taking some kind of hormone therapy. It was all he could talk about during basically the whole visit. I probably do need hormone therapy after that visit. Suffice it to say that I was not happy when I left his office.

And neither was my doctor when I called his nurse to explain that visit. His recommendation? Continue the antibiotic (since my fever seems to have responded favorably) and make another appointment to see my regular gynecologist when he gets back from spring break.

So that's it in a nutshell. I'm still having the pain in my right side, but no fever anymore. And I guess my body has gradually adjusted to the antibiotic. I'm only nauseous now for about a couple of hours after I take it in the morning and again at night. And I'm totally off the Phenergan. That stuff messes with my mind. When it didn't knock me out, it left me feeling like a zombie. There were times when I wasn't asleep, yet I felt like I couldn't even open my eyes, they were so heavy! And my arms and legs felt as if they were made of lead. Ok, that's enough of that.

I was talking to my friend the other day (you know who you are ;) ), and she made the comment, "Wow, you've been through alot." So I started thinking back over the past months. Will's mono. He was sick for weeks. The car wreck. Kate still deals with back pain from that. And dealing with that insurance company has been an ongoing nightmare. Mike's knee surgery. My feet (the plantar fasciitis). That condition has only gone downhill. It may be time for that cortisone shot after all. But that's a story for another time. Kate was sick with the flu for a week. Now this with me. Have I forgotten anything?

But all that thinking has only led me to one conclusion. I am so blessed. The Lord has never failed to meet our needs during any of these trying times. I could choose to see the negative. It would be easy to make that choice. But I have to choose the opposite. God is faithful. He has never left me to suffer alone. And I know that there may be times when He calls me to suffer through worse situations than these I have found myself in of late. I have friends who are battling depression. Friends who are battling addictions. Friends who have less than desirable home lives due to circumstances beyond their control. Friends who have lost their beloved spouse. Friends who are facing cancer. Friends who are living with a chronic illness. Friends who have buried their children. The list goes on. He never promised that we would not suffer. In fact, He said we would. But He also promised that He would never leave us to go it alone.

Wow, this has been an incredibly long post. If you're still here and aren't bored to tears, I guess that means you're a real friend! I know I only have a few readers and most of them are family :). I didn't mean for this to be such a long, drawn-out, rambling, thought-processing post. And I didn't mean to make light of other, more devastating battles that some of you are facing by putting the spotlight on my own battles. I guess through all this rambling, what I'm trying to say is that God gives grace according to need. Whatever He calls you or me to face, He will give us the grace to get through it. That is the hope that we have to cling to in the midst of our trials.