I received the news Friday afternoon. It's final now. The other insurance company has denied the claim. The lady who ran the red light, damaging my vehicle and injuring my daughter and me, has walked away free and clear. Her insurance does not have to pay for the damage that has been done. Because of an inaccurate police report.
I have been angry. For a little over three weeks now my car has been sitting in the body repair shop, just waiting. I have been in physical pain from the injuries I sustained in the accident. For three weeks now I have just been waiting.
And in the waiting, God has used this time to teach me much. If God is God, then He is sovereign. It is within His will to work as He pleases in my life. I have to assure myself that God has my best interests at heart, that He (and not I) knows what is best for me, in all things. The question I must ask myself is this: Do I trust Him?
Do I trust that He knows what is best? Do I believe that this whole incident has turned out so wrongly because He has allowed it to be so? For reasons that may be known only to Him.
In these three weeks of waiting, I have been learning to wait on Him, to wait in His presence. Have I been asking Him to help the insurance company to make a decision in my favor? Yes, I have. Have I been so focused on me? On my perceived needs and wants? Yes, I have.
Have I, even once, asked Him to bring glory to His name through this? Have I asked how I could honor Him in this? No, sadly, I have not.
As I have pondered all this, I have been reminded of something that I have forgotten along the way: God never promised that everything would be easy in my life, that everything would always work out just like I think it should. Simply put, God never promised that life would be fair. He never said that I wouldn't have to be uncomfortable sometimes, that I wouldn't have to suffer sometimes.
He also said that He would never leave me nor forsake me. When it seems as if nothing is going right, and everything has gone all wrong, I can take comfort in knowing that God is for me. That He is on my side. That He is working all things together for my good, and His glory.
As you can imagine, we've had lots of advice from well-meaning friends and family. The most popular advice being to hire an attorney and take the insurance company to court. Don't think we haven't thought about it, discussed it, considered it. It seems like the most probable solution to cover the debt we have incurred because of this accident.
But as we have been praying, my husband and I don't feel like this is the path the Lord would have us take. My ways are not your ways; My thoughts are not your thoughts.
In the end, I have to put it all in God's hands. And I have to leave it there. I can't keep taking it back, thinking there is anything I can do to fix it. I have done all I can. I have talked to the police officer, asking him to make the report right. I have talked to the insurance agent, asking her to consider the statements from the eyewitnesses. I have prayed, asking God to let this insurance company assume liability. I have done all I can.
So, no it didn't work out at all like I expected it to. Am I concerned about how much this will cost, and what my insurance won't cover? Yes, of course. But I have to let go and trust God. He is sovereign. He knew this would happen. And He knew how it would turn out. As I am still learning, He sees the beginning from the end. This is just another piece of the puzzle, and He sees the completed project when I can't.
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.