Warning: This is most likely going to become one of those ramble-posts of sorts.
There are so many things on my mind and heart lately...
Most of my posts are light-hearted, but today I feel kind of down, with alot on my mind. Actually, I've felt down and out of sorts for a little while now. It seems my emotions are in over-drive lately, with mood swings running the gamut from depressed to deliriously happy at times. Geesh! Can you say hormone roller coaster?
I'm not exactly sure what the source of this particular struggle is, but I can tell you my family has noticed! "Mom is in one of her moods today." "I wouldn't ask Mom about that right now if I were you." I hear them whisper to one another. It's enough to break a momma's heart. A mom ought not to act in ways that cause her children to avoid interacting with her.
I know we all have our bad days, but my bad days are lasting longer and longer with the good days seeming farther out of reach. My husband actually suggested that it might be time to pay a visit to my doctor to discuss hormone therapy or something. Geesh! (my new favorite word!)
Maybe he's right. I mean, I like theme parks and all, but these roller coaster rides are not working for me!
Of course, it might not all be attributed to hormones. There are other issues we are dealing with that could be bringing about some stress-induced erratic behaviors! For one, I think this adoption process is taking its toll on me, because I'm the one doing most of the work involved in it (because my dear husband is at work all day and I am at home, so it falls on me by default). Geesh! I had no idea when we started this process just how many "hoops we'd have to jump through" in order to be approved as adoptive parents! And now it's been about a month since we've heard anything from our RD. I guess no news is good news???
We're still praying and waiting. I keep telling myself it's all in God's timing. He knows exactly when we'll be united with our new child. I guess I'm just a wee bit on the impatient side.
On top of that, there are some issues in our church which are wreaking havoc on my nerves. But that is really nothing new under the sun. The church is made up of imperfect people and there will always be struggles and problems within it. But I can seriously say that God has opened my eyes to see the spiritual warfare going on there! And that has been draining, enough so that my emotions are raw.
But one thing I know for sure. God is still on His throne. When I'm out of control, I can know that He is in control. He sees the beginning from the end. He knows exactly what's going on and He's in control of it. Nothing can come to me that hasn't been sifted through His love. Ok, that's more than one thing! lol
To sum it all up, I suppose my point is this: This is just where God wants me; me admitting that I have no control, no power, nothing. It is all Him, and it is all about Him.